i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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