GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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