READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
