you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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