So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
