woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Of course I have a pirate flag
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
