Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
