apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
