She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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