So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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