barbara walters just said penis...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
