Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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