I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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