I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
