these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
