Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
