Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
