He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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