We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I want a musical about memes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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