I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
