What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
