i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
