My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My ATM looks so different sober.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
