this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We are all done wearing pants today
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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