You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
