Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
