I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
