i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
