We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
They have beer where we have blood.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
