i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
