Where did you get a picture of my penis
Small penises have feelings too.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
