We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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