Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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