You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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