just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
