I wish I could teleport
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
