made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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