I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
