it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In other news, I just burned my penis
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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