Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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