His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
