I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
