Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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