Just fell off a train. Bad.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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