At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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