Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
