He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
