Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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