even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
