you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
