i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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